Conversations at Target…
Last weekend, my very good friend and I jumped in a car and rolled over the nearest Target… the mission?
We were requested by a rather scary red headed woman (his fiancee) to go buy bathing suits for her two seven year old twin daughters.
Yes. Two men. Young Girl Section. Buying Bathing suits.
It’s a good thing I love her and the two girls otherwise I wouldn’t subject myself to that kind of discomfort.
Once again. Two men. Young Girl Section. Buying Bathing suits.
And if that wasn’t bad enough… apparently Target has started selling bathing suits for little girls who are ho-yays. We men, were desperately looking for an hour for a simple one piece that covered as much of the skin as possible… something a Quaker would wear. But no. Only shimmering fabric two pieces and bikinis.
Two men. Young Girl Section. Buying Scantily Clad Bathing suits.
We tried the children’s sport section. There I found a bathing suit made by Speedo (the sport’s company…not the scary man bottom bathing suit) that was not only a one piece but had a flotation device sewn into it. It was perfect. But my friend thought differently…
FRIEND: "It looks like they have a beer belly. And it’s ugly. The girls want something pretty. I’ll get in trouble if we don’t get something pretty."
ME: "You’re shitting me."
Two men (one with no testicles). Young Girl Section. Buying Scantily Clad Bathing suits.
So there I am… holding bathing suits as my friend is on the phone trying to figure out the right size when I hear a little voice below me.
RANDOM LITTLE GIRL: Hi!
ME: Oh. Hi.
RANDOM LITTLE GIRL: That’s a pretty bathing suit.
ME: Thanks. It’s not mine.
RANDOM LITTLE GIRL: Who’s is it then?
ME: My friend’s daughters.
RANDOM LITTLE GIRL: Then why are you holding it?
ME: [sigh] I don’t know.
RANDOM LITTLE GIRL: Why are you here?
ME: [louder sigh] I… I… just don’t know anymore.
LONG PAUSE
RANDOM LITTLE GIRL: Where’s my mommy?
MOMMY: [Screaming] I’m over here. I’m over here. Get over here as quick as you can.
RANDOM LITTLE GIRL: Bye.
ME: Bye.
Two men (one with no testicles). Young Girl Section. Young Inquisitive Girl. Bathing Scantily Clad suits. Frightened Mother.
I can only imagine I looked like this guy to that poor mom.
Oh well. Epilogue is the girls liked their bathing suits and had fun swimming. I spent the afternoon inside wondering when I made that Right turn at Alberqurque.
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