Model Minority

The Citizens of

Las Vegas

“Yep”

– Lou “Magic Parking Spot” Agoni

Bryce Allemann (The Waiter – Innocent Victim – Lou “Magic Parking Spot” Agoni)

It’s the minor parts that sometime steal the scene.  Such is the case with Mr. Allemann.  He’ll deny it of course.  The man has perfected the art of humbling himself to the n-th degree but the results are hard to deny.  It’s all too easy to cast someone of average talent in these parts… I mean… the sum of the three characters above amount to about a total of 10 lines.  But if I had gone with someone lesser, I can easily see about 16 crossroads of disaster… the smallest crack can break a show.  Thankfully, Bryce despite dealing with promotion and general house management and god knows what else, had time to for

three to six

costume changes and helping to sell several of my favorite scenes every night.

“…Fate has another cruel joke to play on her innocent ex-husband Justice.  Looks like Fate wasn’t satisfied just taking the kids, the house and the dog of happiness…she’s come for the shirt off your back.  Well you can’t have it Fate!  Damn it!  Enough’s enough.  The weekends aren’t enough.  They’re my kids too.  You don’t even like pets.  Damn you.  DAMN YOU!”

- Stan Schooster

Peter Finch (Stan Schooster)

Like much of the casting in this show, I didn’t know what I wanted until I saw it.  Perhaps it’s not the most efficient or sensible way to direct but there’s something to be said for being spontaneous and organic.  Case in point, Peter Finch.  I met Peter last year in Thunderbird’s 2004 pirate comedy where he played a womanizing Catholic priest.  Peter is one of the nicest and classy gentlemen I know… so imagine my surprise seeing Peter channel the inner demons of a tortured manic depressive alcoholic perfectly.  As Peter’s nephew pointed out… “Man. Who knew he could be hysterical as an alcoholic.  He really ought to drink more.”  Amen.

“No.  No one ever found out what that smell was and if you keep to your senses you’ll leave that sleeping bear lie because sleeping bears don’t bother anyone unless you’re lying under them.”

- Darla Dribble 

Heidi Gatty (Darla Dribble)

I love the fast talking dialogue of movies like “His Girl Friday”, “The Great McGinty”, and the Coen Bros tribute “The Hudsucker Proxy”.  When Jason told me he wanted an anachronistic female news reporter, Darla Dribble was my favorite character (next to Stan) to write.  But Darla wasn’t just about language… she was about attitude… and like most characters in this farce, she’s about repressed emotions and barely contained rage.  Someone needed to scare the beejezus out of men while at the same time enticing them.  Enter Heidi Gatty.  You can read the last entry to explain why she was picked for this part… anything I said to describe the actor – character fit would be redundant. 

“[I died] the same way Jesus did… fighting an army of rabid wookies on a distant plane!  But that’s besides the point.  You gotta believe when I tell you that you can break those chains like Chinese finger cuffs.”

- JorElvis

Matt Gunnison (Harold – Joey “The Trampoline” Feloni – Trailer Trash Male – JorElvis)

Holy sh*t this guy is funny.  That was my reaction after Matt’s audition.  Matt is a complete new addition to the Thunderbirds never having worked with any of us before.  I’m going to be remembered for only one good thing as my tenure as a director…for spotting and adopting some new members for the Thunderbirds (see further)… and frankly based on the talent that’s more than enough.  One night as Matt exited the show, an audience member turned and asked me what part Matt played.  I pointed out Matt played four different parts.  Jaw dropped.  Eyes popped.  I took the surprised recognition and “ohmygod that’s right” as a compliment to Matt’s ability to switch from role to role smoothly.

“I knew it.  I knew this was the way I was going to die.  My third grade teacher Mrs. Blumberg warned me.  She told me to behave or I’d get crushed by a novelty size block of cheese… Oh my god!  Why couldn’t it be American cheese! … Cheese is bacteria poo!  We’re eating bacteria poo!”

- Jimmy Timid

Nanrisa Lee

True story… if Nanrisa hadn’t come to auditions hung over I probably wouldn’t have cast her.  I don’t know what level of toxins was in her body but she managed to capture the put upon disgruntled paranoid nature of Jimmy perfectly.  Jimmy was very specific in my head unlike Stan… but I doubted I could find a guy who could pull off the part and be likeable.  So what would be better than to forget a guy and instead cast a loveable neurotic half Korean half Chinese gal to play the emotionally and physically abused photographer sidekick.  I’m not sure if it was inspired casting or I’m just having poor Nanrisa act out my self hatred.  Oh well.  Moving on.

“I’ve been hearing your name a lot Darla.

“It’s a catchy name.

“You’ve been asking questions.

“I’ve been looking for answers.

“Maybe you’ve been looking in the wrong place?

“Should I get my eyes checked?

“I’m saying if you’re looking for food, you should look in the kitchen.

“You saying you’re the kitchen.

“I’m not saying that.

“You’re the food?

“I’m not saying that.

“Then what are you saying cause I’m getting hungry?

“Hungry for what?

“The truth.

“The truth is an awfully big meal.

“That’s okay cause I skipped breakfast.

“You shouldn’t cause they say that’s the most important meal of the day.”

- Mayor Meyer & Darla Dribble

Anne Oxenhandler (Sally – Mayor Meyer – Trailer Trash Female)

Anne is too good for this play.  Hell.  Everybody is too good for this play, but Anne in particular but thank god I tricked her into accepting because she elevates the play.  I worked with Anne on a one act last year and didn’t even realize how good she was.  Anne has exceptional comedic timing but I can’t help but notice her voice.  Anne takes a lot of pride and effort on her voicework and it shows… I know less than a handful of people capable of pulling off the characters she does convincingly.  I don’t even need to push her as she’s her own task mistress… setting the bar ever so high for herself.  I’d tell her to not be so hard on herself but I must admit to being curious to see how much higher she could go.  To this date, the bar just keeps getting raised.

Next Time: The Rogue’s Gallery

It’s Wednesday. We just finished our first week and I’ve got a yarn to tell about it but first, let me try to keep things chronological SO…

Even more people to praise…

Bryce Allemann – The Thunderbirds follow a strict policy of equal opportunity by making sure it’s material is offensive to people of all race, religion, sexual preference and gender. Now we normally try to make sure we have that particular minority in the production or cast to use a shield (*cough* Condoleeza Rice *cough*) thus how fortunate that the much maligned Swiss has Bryce to call it’s own. In addition, Switzerland’s wayward son also happens to moonlight as our publicist. I live across the street from Bryce and his lovely wife Kathy (see later: The Cast) and I can seem him squirreling away into the night, refining and stressing about the press releases and worrying about whether we will get asses in seats. Of course if Bryce didn’t obsess and drive himself into a caffeine induced migraine, we wouldn’t have sold out half our run already NOR had nearly sold out audiences the past 5 nights. The man can promote anything… even poop in a hat.

Crystal Gariano – Without this saint from up high (or below as she would probably prefer) most of the cast would be naked. An image that comes with mixed results but we’ll get to that later. Crystal got drafted near the end of the rehearsal process and managed to have everyone fitted into an iconic costume that exceeded my expectations. She will tell you privately that I was not a bundle of joy to work with near the end with my frequent stress fits and inclination to maul, but she gave up a week of vacation just to among other things, find and retrofit an old German Army uniform and create a showgirl outfit for a… rather plus sized male. Praise be to her. The disbelief is easily suspended thanks to her.

Dana Constance – Dana’s work will easily be recognized thanks to the wonderful poster and graphics he created for the various modes of publicity (www.thunderbirdtheatre.com). But there is another job that this man had to deal with that will never truly be appreciated. Mr. Constance had the truly odious and thankless role of being my stage manager half way through the rehearsal process. The stage manager is essentially the filter of a show… all the emotional drama, the chaos, the fits, the egos, the insecurities, go through this guy and he cleans up after it. This is the liver of the show. Dana took this thankless role and never looked back. He now has developed mental cirrhosis but he’s a wayward Catholic from Boston and a Red Sox fan so no one can really tell the difference.

Kai Morrison – You cannot have a play about super heroes without gratuitous violence. And if you’re looking for mayhem, look no further than this man. Kai despite a busy schedule doing… er… something… was kind enough to take on the role of taking some raw recruits and beating them into a dance of blood and sport that answers the question of “is there ever too much violence?” Answer: “No. Now go wax my Hyundai.”

Paul Gatty – He maintains the now frequently updated and smoother Thunderbird Website. He is also married to Heidi (see below) and I suspect is the main reason Heidi and I have not ended in a double homicide. He also enjoys anime, comics, and first person shooter games… he gives hope that male geeks of this type will actually get married… so long as you’re a six foot tall white guy making six figures and have an ample supply of *cough* medicinal narcotics. Paul also got me addicted to Fudge pops.

Yes.

I’m talking about Fudge pops as a frozen dessert and not some sexually explicit euphemism. Grow up. Fudge pops. I just said it again. Why are you laughing? Fudge pops. Geez.

Christine McClintlock – It’s one thing to write a show with demonic voices, a phantom zone and a 1500 pound block of cheese… it’s an entirely different thing to actually make it work on stage. Allow me to introduce Christine who on a few weeks notice, put together a library of music and sound that helped me get closer to achieving an action comic feel. I’m speaking of the words like CRASH… SLAM… CLANK… WRRR… and OXYMORON! She also arranged a gospel number and dealt with the delusions of tone deaf alcoholic (more on that later).

Heidi Hernandez Gatty – Heidi despite her grumbling reluctance to serve the dual role of actress and production manager, took on the role admirably.  Her worth and importance to the show cannot adequately be conveyed. So in lieu, I present this allegory:

The first time I met Heidi was in 2000. I walked to my first rehearsal of the first show I ever acted in and was met by a comely young lady bearing a cat of nine tails who introduced herself as my stage manager. And then she hit me. Wouldn’t be the last time.

Heidi has for the last 5 years been a name I’ve associated with in no particular order – professionalism, fear, generosity, stubbornness, charm, terror, pain, friendship, rage, confidant, perseverance, recreational drug abuse and fear.

Need another example?

Okay.

Imagine you’re watching A Land Before Time.

Now imagine Littlefoot the baby brontosaurus leaping forth from your tv set. He kicks your teeth in and pours 15 year old scotch down your throat. He then throws you into his Tran-Am and drives to the nearest strip joint. Buys you several lap dances then gets you and him kicked out for excessive touching. He crashes the car but you survive because he fastened your seat belt. Then he apologizes and buys you a chip-wich. Then Littlefoot punches you in the testicles.

Actually, Heidi has little do with an animated Don Bluth film but I just like the idea of an animated baby bronto getting a lap dance.

Jason Harding – Motherf*cker does it all… act, write, set design and fight choreograph. He has a full time job and has become half the parental unit of three kids. He guards nature, puppies, the rainbow of eternal happiness and the waterfall of butterscotch wishes.

He forms the head of Voltron. The motherf*cking head! No. Not the frigg’n right leg. That’s the Blue Lion. Does he look like a pansy ass princess? I don’t think so. Shut the f*ck up.

If Jason was a Transformer he would have a shovel for a hand… a goddman shovel you hear me!

Five years ago, we had a 2 hour email exchange on gobots, swamp creatures and parallel dimensions. I’ve been stuck with him ever since.

… Please… kill me.

Next Entry: The Cast.