Model Minority

It’s Wednesday. We just finished our first week and I’ve got a yarn to tell about it but first, let me try to keep things chronological SO…

Even more people to praise…

Bryce Allemann – The Thunderbirds follow a strict policy of equal opportunity by making sure it’s material is offensive to people of all race, religion, sexual preference and gender. Now we normally try to make sure we have that particular minority in the production or cast to use a shield (*cough* Condoleeza Rice *cough*) thus how fortunate that the much maligned Swiss has Bryce to call it’s own. In addition, Switzerland’s wayward son also happens to moonlight as our publicist. I live across the street from Bryce and his lovely wife Kathy (see later: The Cast) and I can seem him squirreling away into the night, refining and stressing about the press releases and worrying about whether we will get asses in seats. Of course if Bryce didn’t obsess and drive himself into a caffeine induced migraine, we wouldn’t have sold out half our run already NOR had nearly sold out audiences the past 5 nights. The man can promote anything… even poop in a hat.

Crystal Gariano – Without this saint from up high (or below as she would probably prefer) most of the cast would be naked. An image that comes with mixed results but we’ll get to that later. Crystal got drafted near the end of the rehearsal process and managed to have everyone fitted into an iconic costume that exceeded my expectations. She will tell you privately that I was not a bundle of joy to work with near the end with my frequent stress fits and inclination to maul, but she gave up a week of vacation just to among other things, find and retrofit an old German Army uniform and create a showgirl outfit for a… rather plus sized male. Praise be to her. The disbelief is easily suspended thanks to her.

Dana Constance – Dana’s work will easily be recognized thanks to the wonderful poster and graphics he created for the various modes of publicity (www.thunderbirdtheatre.com). But there is another job that this man had to deal with that will never truly be appreciated. Mr. Constance had the truly odious and thankless role of being my stage manager half way through the rehearsal process. The stage manager is essentially the filter of a show… all the emotional drama, the chaos, the fits, the egos, the insecurities, go through this guy and he cleans up after it. This is the liver of the show. Dana took this thankless role and never looked back. He now has developed mental cirrhosis but he’s a wayward Catholic from Boston and a Red Sox fan so no one can really tell the difference.

Kai Morrison – You cannot have a play about super heroes without gratuitous violence. And if you’re looking for mayhem, look no further than this man. Kai despite a busy schedule doing… er… something… was kind enough to take on the role of taking some raw recruits and beating them into a dance of blood and sport that answers the question of “is there ever too much violence?” Answer: “No. Now go wax my Hyundai.”

Paul Gatty – He maintains the now frequently updated and smoother Thunderbird Website. He is also married to Heidi (see below) and I suspect is the main reason Heidi and I have not ended in a double homicide. He also enjoys anime, comics, and first person shooter games… he gives hope that male geeks of this type will actually get married… so long as you’re a six foot tall white guy making six figures and have an ample supply of *cough* medicinal narcotics. Paul also got me addicted to Fudge pops.

Yes.

I’m talking about Fudge pops as a frozen dessert and not some sexually explicit euphemism. Grow up. Fudge pops. I just said it again. Why are you laughing? Fudge pops. Geez.

Christine McClintlock – It’s one thing to write a show with demonic voices, a phantom zone and a 1500 pound block of cheese… it’s an entirely different thing to actually make it work on stage. Allow me to introduce Christine who on a few weeks notice, put together a library of music and sound that helped me get closer to achieving an action comic feel. I’m speaking of the words like CRASH… SLAM… CLANK… WRRR… and OXYMORON! She also arranged a gospel number and dealt with the delusions of tone deaf alcoholic (more on that later).

Heidi Hernandez Gatty – Heidi despite her grumbling reluctance to serve the dual role of actress and production manager, took on the role admirably.  Her worth and importance to the show cannot adequately be conveyed. So in lieu, I present this allegory:

The first time I met Heidi was in 2000. I walked to my first rehearsal of the first show I ever acted in and was met by a comely young lady bearing a cat of nine tails who introduced herself as my stage manager. And then she hit me. Wouldn’t be the last time.

Heidi has for the last 5 years been a name I’ve associated with in no particular order – professionalism, fear, generosity, stubbornness, charm, terror, pain, friendship, rage, confidant, perseverance, recreational drug abuse and fear.

Need another example?

Okay.

Imagine you’re watching A Land Before Time.

Now imagine Littlefoot the baby brontosaurus leaping forth from your tv set. He kicks your teeth in and pours 15 year old scotch down your throat. He then throws you into his Tran-Am and drives to the nearest strip joint. Buys you several lap dances then gets you and him kicked out for excessive touching. He crashes the car but you survive because he fastened your seat belt. Then he apologizes and buys you a chip-wich. Then Littlefoot punches you in the testicles.

Actually, Heidi has little do with an animated Don Bluth film but I just like the idea of an animated baby bronto getting a lap dance.

Jason Harding – Motherf*cker does it all… act, write, set design and fight choreograph. He has a full time job and has become half the parental unit of three kids. He guards nature, puppies, the rainbow of eternal happiness and the waterfall of butterscotch wishes.

He forms the head of Voltron. The motherf*cking head! No. Not the frigg’n right leg. That’s the Blue Lion. Does he look like a pansy ass princess? I don’t think so. Shut the f*ck up.

If Jason was a Transformer he would have a shovel for a hand… a goddman shovel you hear me!

Five years ago, we had a 2 hour email exchange on gobots, swamp creatures and parallel dimensions. I’ve been stuck with him ever since.

… Please… kill me.

Next Entry: The Cast.

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