War Journal Entry #12 - Back to Where the Pain Started…
Ohmygod… I’m actually finishing what I started…
Profiles cont.
Rogue’s Gallery - The Villains and the Actors of Las Vega-Nauts
"I will be having a clean…orderly…casino…no not just casino…the city. Yes! A city where the streets are clean, the curfew is 10:00 pm, all the lighting is flourecent and the prostitutes are the most sanitary in the world!"
- Herr Kraftwerk
I’ve already gone into praising Jason as co-writer so let’s just add his comedic nigh-omnipotentcy to that list. There’s a reason why Jason tends to gravitate towards the Arch Villains in the Thunderbird productions… he’s damn good at it. And I don’t just mean as an actor… I mean he has true Darkness within him… sure he’s the loving self appointed nuturer of children and vomiting invalid cats everywhere… but sometimes… just sometimes… when you don’t think he’s being watched… a veil is lifted and beneath it is a tortured abyss that has destroyed luminaries like Ernest Hemingway and Dana Plato. Don’t cry for Jason… he’s already dead.
FALCO
Herr Kraftwerk, you are already being aware of the bond between twin sister and brother?
KRAFTWERK
Yes. I know about this with the “feeling what my sibling feels”. The “I know what you know. I feel what you feel”. However, when I be hitting you upside the head, I am expecting painful reaction…not the…not the…well that.
TACO
I am sorry Herr Kraftwrk. I am being very embarrassed. But every time Falco gets hurt, I feel the hurt truly I do. But the pain makes me feel something deep within my schadenfreude.
KRAFTWERK
Well. That was something I never needed knowing."
-Falco & Taco
I first met Ron (Falco) when he played the main nemesis in Thunderbird’s 2001 production of Los Siete Magnificos… that being am evil Quaker Reverend (it’s too long to get into). Like many gifted performers, it’s a pleasant surprise to find out that the unmitigated bastard on stage is one of the sweetest nicest people in the universe. It’s also worth mentioning that Ron has a Bass level voice that would reverberate in your appendix if you still had one.
Speaking of nicest people in the universe, let’s talk about Kathy (Taco). Kathy reminds me of those performers who are too modest for their own good. Everybody knows how good they are but for whatever reason, they choose to jump on stage all too infrequently and with careful deliberation. So thank goodness for everyone that Kathy felt this show was worth her attention especially since Kathy is one of those people who audiences gravitate to…mostly during the part of the show where she has an orgasm but I think that’s just a coincidence.
Pairing these two together had the satisfying effect of watching generous and inspiring actors with the treasured ability of not just making themselves look good but those around them …except in the last week of performances when they decided to improv bad puns. Scratch that…ALL puns are bad. AND just to show you how bad ALL puns are I’m gonna explain this one to you…
There’s a line in the show that goes "are there anymore gags?" In context, gag here meant the version of "An instrument adjusted between the teeth to keep the mouth from closing during operations in the mouth or throat." Ron & Kathy decided to AMBUSH my show by taking the other meaning of gag (a humorous anecdote or remark intended to provoke laughter). Basically they accomplished this by pulling out those wind up chattering teeth and wearing "Grouch Marx" glasses. Get it?
Why did I feel the need, just now to crush every bit of humor out of what was in actuality an improvised unscripted innocent and light-hearted moment? Because I HATE puns people. The fact that the audience laughed is the ONLY reason Kathy & Ron are not in the bottom of a well putting lotion in a basket.
"Everybody be knowing that Swiss Miss being Switzerland’s most deadly assassin. But there little unknown facts about Swiss Miss I will be sharing with you like guilt on Jewish holiday."
-Herr Kraftwerk describing Swiss Miss
Lisa Nowicki… wow… Lisa frigg’n Nowicki. I unabashedly adore this woman. Lisa probably had what potentially can be considered the most unappealling role as an Assassin dressed up in Swiss Miss outfit (the Hot Cocoa chick) who HAS NO SPEAKING LINES AT ALL. Lisa understandably could have been irritated at playing such a character… she could have complained… she could have been chronically late… she could have done a million little crimes againt humanity. What did she do instead? She was committed, energetic, supportive… she helped smoothed over other people’s problems… she offered up her boyfriend as free labor… AND most importantly, whenever she walked on stage, the word "unappealling" was the farthest thing from your mind…especially if your mind had testicles… or had a vagina but liked other vaginas… or had neither but appreciated vaginas in a… oh never mind. Suffice to say no one puts Lisa Nowick in a corner.
Oh and special kudos to costume guru Crystal who is ready to objectify women to a degree that makes Larry Flynt go, "Oh now see here."
Well…
Maybe he wouldn’t say that. He’d probably just sound a bit like Marlee Matlin and then drool.
Not that Marlee Matlin drools…
…and nothing against Marlee Matlin…
…she’s hot…
…she won an Oscar you know…
…not that it has anything to do with this entry I’m just making conversation is all.
"Grow up, hayseed! How did you think I was makin my money!? Huh? This is how the world works! There’s no such thing as heroes. So I charge for your services! Without the money I get for you you’d be nothing! Ya hear! Nothing! You think you can survive without the money I give ya? Then do it! Do it E! I dare ya! You’d be cutting yourself off at the knees. You don’t wanna be doin that. How will you fit in your pants then?"
- Lt. Colonel Tom Parker Jr.
Seanetta is too good for this part. Like Anne, Matt and Lisa, you take actors who really deserve roles more suiting their ability but you have limits as a writer and sometimes the character that serves a scene or plot can only be taken so far. I’m just making excuses here so let me just say Seanetta took on a role that needed him even if he didn’t necessarily need the role… except for that one night he stuck a giant water gun in his pants that made him walk bow-legged… or maybe it wasn’t a water gun… I dunno… I’m trying not to think about now that you mention it…
